I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
A+ Viking dick
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
