Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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