if you like me you must not know who I am
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Randomize
