I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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