Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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