smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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