my soul wont recognize me after tonight
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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