We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
