the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize