I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
