I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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