And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Randomize
