with your own penis?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
