He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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