Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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