rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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