good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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