After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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