I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize