I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
