No stitches, just platelets and will power
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
