I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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