I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
