i just wanna soil my oats bro
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
