I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
