The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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