i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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