I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
