wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
