Already got asked if we're dating
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
