apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
