i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
