anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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