I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
