just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
