I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
