This house was built for laser tag.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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