Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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