I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
