a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
