***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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