My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
