Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My pussy is not your playground.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
