Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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