I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
