Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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