Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
