Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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