Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
