ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
