She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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