I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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