It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
