Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
