ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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