Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
false alarm, still single
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
