I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
