so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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