You're so nebulous sometimes
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
