I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize