i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
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