we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
