it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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