Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
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