dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
