There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
