Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
