Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
