Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
