dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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