when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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