Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
