Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
