All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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