Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
