Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
