Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
