4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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