does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
