Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
