I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Randomize