I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Let's get the cat blown out
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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