the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
