you guys were way drunker than both of me
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize