I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
