remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I would fuck him just for his dog
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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