return my video game
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Randomize
