well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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