I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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