listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
