I'm gonna have a badass scar
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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