dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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