Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
