I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Randomize
