Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
