Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Randomize
