Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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