it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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