my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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