I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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