proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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