Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"

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(816): View more from Missouri

My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.

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(415): View more from California

if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?

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(972): View more from Texas

They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.

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(406): View more from Montana

Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.

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(734): View more from Michigan

Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.

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(912): View more from Georgia

Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?

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