You work out of a Hotel?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
